Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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