saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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