How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
