he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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