My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
