Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
