So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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