Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
