yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
