you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
