i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
