were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He passed out mid-signature
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
