if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
