wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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