When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
