I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
