Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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