It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
