The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
