There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
