This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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