Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
