You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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