Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
