I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
