Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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