Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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