Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
