Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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