Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
