I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
