I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
