Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
