So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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