went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
