O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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