I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
