so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
