Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
