he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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