Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize