I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
