At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
