I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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