and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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