Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
