Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
