Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
