i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
