he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
