her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
