who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
