I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
NoShamevember. You game?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
