In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
