:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize