Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
