Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
