I'm jealous of your bromance
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
