it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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