how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
