Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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