Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
