Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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