I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
