I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hippo gnu deer
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
