since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
