I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
