Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
they're like a gay fantastic four
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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