hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
