member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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