before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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