My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
