I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
