i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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